The '8 Simple Rules' were the titular rules for the ABC sitcom of the same name.
- Use your hands on my daughter and you'll lose them after.
- You make her cry, I make you cry.
- Safe sex is a myth. Anything you try will be hazardous to your health.
- Bring her home late, there's no next date.
- If you pull into my driveway and honk, you better be dropping off a package because you're sure not picking anything up (Alternative rule #5: Only delivery men honk. Dates ring the doorbell. Once.)
- No complaining while you're waiting for her. If you're bored, change my oil.
- If your pants hang off your hips, I'll gladly secure them with my staple gun.
- Dates must be in crowded public places. You want romance? Read a book.